About Me

Well. I guess we begin here, don’t we? Why don’t I introduce myself and tell some stories.

I was born on April 20th. The jokes about getting weed for my birthday started in 7th grade and were annoying by 9th. No one ever actually got me weed for my birthday, even when I did smoke. Besides the point. The first time I got high I forgot how to swallow, meaning I spent what felt like an entire hour (but was probably 15 minutes most) sitting outside with my two friends staring at things on their deck thinking about how I’m going to choke to death and I REALLY should say something. I didn’t want to sound ridiculous though, so I kept my mouth shut. I could just drool anyway if it came down to it or spit like some people do. I proceeded to let that pass, roll on the deck laughing after I almost cried that trees couldn’t wear pants or some shit and I felt absolutely awful that they must get cold. Maybe I didn’t end up sounding ridiculous saying I forgot how to swallow, but I definitely looked ridiculous either way in the end. Oh well.

Moving on. I’m 19. I turn 20 in a few short months. It’s almost February. Around 19 years of spelling February and that still is a tricky one. I got bullied a lot in middle school, but I also was a bully myself. I started out just standing up for myself but quickly felt like “Hey, these people want to send mean comments to me online and take away my happiness. That must mean they deserve the same to them.” Not my proudest thought process moment. By all means stand up to yourself.. just don’t go being mean where you don’t have to. In high school I dropped that because it sucked and was losing its fun. Hooray for maturing. Most kids in my area technically started high school in 10th grade. Middle school was jr high. 7-9th. Stupid right? I switched out of my stupid jr high, which I won’t name despite it being the shittiest place I have ever stepped into. Power abuse and lies and bullying that no one cared about until you retaliated because you dealt with it for so long you got sick of it. I did high school 9-12 like a normal human being at an alternative school not like a normal human being.

We had no homework, called teachers by their first names, you don’t have to do work in class as long as it gets done and you aren’t distracting everyone. I hate math even though im good at it and I always told my math teacher that I don’t want to do the worksheets because they’re boring and I know how to solve the problems. He made me solve some on the whiteboard and if I got them correct, no worksheet that day. I missed a lot of worksheets and instead got time to calm down and relax, much needed in the world of an anxious sleep deprived 9th grader. Thanks T.

I had people say I was popular in high school. While I never would consider myself popular since I had enemies just like everyone else, I can see why some would. See, being bullied means I was all too familiar with being left out and feeling alone. My school was a place for kids to get a second chance. A lot of tomfoolery went on, but it was really fun. It was a small place, everyone knew everyone, and since it was an alternative school, sometimes the “bad” kids from normal schools got sent there. If you so happened to not like that kid, too bad. Like the principal always said, its a place for everyone to have a second chance. Give them a chance here, be nice, be civil. You don’t have to be friends, but drop the beef. I loved that, and was nice to everyone I could talk to. I spoke to everyone who wanted to be my friend. There was no cliques because no one there cared for them. Kids are kids though so there was still bullying, paired with us being “bad kids” meant we had a few breakdowns in the bathroom and fights that quickly ended because whoever lost it on someone would realize they fucked up pretty quickly. If you get kicked out, the only option is homeschool. That sucks when most of us have shitty home lives. So people who really disliked one another just ignored each other for the most part and tried to be in different classes.

Back on topic. I absolutely recommend being friends with everyone. Not for the popularity status comments. You just meet really cool people with a lot of different interests and find yourself learning about lots of new things. I learned about cars, drifting, anime, lots of history facts, memes, makeup, fashion. Tons of stuff in detail from someone who loves it that I never would have otherwise known I loved. Its nice to have friends in every class too. Not to mention knowing that you’re helping someone who may feel unwanted feel important again. All around, it’s much better than being a bitch. Of course, I did still stand up for myself. I had my snap once when I told a girl to stop staring at me or I’d rip her eyes out and asked if she needed a picture instead. I excused myself to talk to the dean (I think? Maybe the art teacher told me I should do that) and told her what happened. Said I’d apologize to her in a supervised environment so neither of us went off the rails. Ended up just ignoring her around school and taking another class for that grading period since I didn’t need art anyways. Thats generally how conflict went. Ignore whoever you hate, be civil as much as you can if you really have to interact with them.

Let’s drop that topic. I’m in college now. Living in dorms. Private room which is cool. I’ve been having almost constant anxiety since Friday. Its Monday. I missed my class today because fuck anxiety and the stomach pain it brings on. Tomorrow I have a class I hate. I just had gelato with an old friend and now I am eating potato chips waiting to see if Im going out for ramen for dinner. I want to be a YouTuber but I’m too paranoid Ill suck. I have a girl I really want to be friends with who hates my guts and always will, despite constantly watching every online move I make since middle school. I love fish. Cats. All animals. Lastly, I really want to be a heart surgeon. So badly. It has been my biggest dream since middle school. Ive known I wanted to work in the medical field since I was learning to read and all I could to was look at anatomy book pictures.

Alright. Thats that for now. Maybe I’ll be back later. I don’t know yet. Until tomorrow latest. See ya.